Me too!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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