wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
