Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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