why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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