At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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