Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
