Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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