I want to walk on stilts...naked
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Green mimosas i think yes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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