Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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