we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
