exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
