I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
