I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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