wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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