I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
