Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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