i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
