I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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