singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
