So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
