i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
