I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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