I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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