marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
