totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
