I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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