"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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