I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
