Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
