I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
