Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
