YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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