I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
