The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I supernannyed him into submission
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
