I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
