u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
