My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
