this beer tastes like vomit already
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
