You're so nebulous sometimes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
