Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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