Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
