Duck Duck Cougar?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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