either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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