he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating