OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
