I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
two words...techno handjob
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
