Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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