Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize