bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
