normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
