those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
