thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
