Jerry, you need to find god
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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