K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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