Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize