yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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