EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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