The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
