Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
