Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
sarcasm needs its own font
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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