If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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