Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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