I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
