After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
