I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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