the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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