yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
