I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
