Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
