So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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