do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
