What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
