you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
