we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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