If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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