My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
