When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
