My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
