Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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