whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
