The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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