YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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