doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
